Fictitious Footballers

Here begins my newest series of football illustrations. I will create a new footballer every week day. This will last for one month. It's a practice thing. Each will have a backstory and will be some form of improvement on the last. As always, RT's and opinions greatly appreciated. Also if you have any ideas don't hesitate to let me know! Enjoy :)

1. Reginald D. Trickshot

Reginald was the free scoring hero of the people. A former bodybuilder his goals to games ratio was nearly as impressive as what he could bench in the gym. After three years of scoring 62 goals (on average) each season the bloody war started and he was drafted into the bodybuilder section of the British military. Commandeering a battleship and 10 of the most fabulously muscular bodybuilders he set off to the Western front. This squad was so drenched in sculpted machsimo that the war was wrapped up by the 30 minute mark and Reginald was home in time to score the winning 19 goals in the FA Cup final. 

2. Udo Muckenfuss

Udo was a journeyman footballer known for his career long stint in lower league German football. Renowned for his love of heading the ball, he attempted to do everything with his head, from taking corners to everyday tasks such as making porridge. This obsession lead to him losing both eyes and the hearing in his left ear. He had a horrendously dented skull and a scrotum like mashed up nose (legend has it Udo would break his nose up to three times a match). Udo was known for attempting headed shots that were clearly impossible at all times and after a visit to hospital one doctor pointed out that his need to head everything was most likely a result of an underlying mental disorder. However those results were dismissed as depressing. Udo finished his career with 3 goals and 1 assist.

3. Mort Wilson

As a player Mort Wilson was famous the length and breadth of the land for his unquenchable thirst for victory. His will to win was so strong that he rose up from the grave in search of the only trophy to have eluded him throughout his career, the FA Cup. To this day he is a constant nuisance at FA headquarters. He keeps trying to get in and take the cup itself, by bumping and moaning against the glass door at reception (which he can't seem to negotiate). A kindly member of staff usually lures him into a van with a Carling Cup  and drops him off miles away. After a few days he will have made his way back. They're thinking of letting him live in an exhibit in a museum with a replica FA Cup so he will stay in the one place.

4. Camaxtli

Camaxtli is associated first and foremost with destruction, but in rare instances is also known to possess the power of creation. Represents the defender chasing away the attackers at dawn. This is explained by stories passed down through the generations that tell of Camaxtli protecting a mountain village from a meteor shower by kicking the fiery balls back into the raging night sky. Beloved by the people, religious defenders throughout Central America say a small blessing in honour of him before each game.


  1. I found them quite funny! even though I have no idea why would anyone write such things, but I like them!